I hate today OR the Kiss of Death
by Lena Ban Obsidian
Summary: I wrote this on a whim after skimming through the other fanfiction available on FF.net for Chrono Cross and running into a lot of self-inserts. It's really only PG-13 for one word...


**I hate today**  
(no really)  
  
Lena

Notes: Mm, today was sorta good, sorta bad. But this is humor. So don't take that title too seriously.  
:D I think I need more Trigun. I love it. It makes me laugh. Anyone here seen Trigun? 

* * *

Glenn sighed as Serge applied bandages to his freshly wounded cheek. It hurt a little, but not enough for him to wince and still be manly, so he just suffered the pain in silent dignity. Nikki was sitting on a nearby boulder, looking bored and jaded, which he did rather well. Perhaps it was because he'd had so much practice. Or maybe he was just weird. That was always possible. It would certainly explain the get up. 

As he treated his recently-acquired companion, Serge sighed, a little put out. "Geez, this is the third time today we've had to stop and take care of one of your wounds, Glenn. You need to be more careful. I mean, really...we haven't fought anything more complicated than a few bulbs." 

He sniffed. "I can't help it. It's my unlucky cheek. Every fight I've ever been in earns me a scratch on it." 

From where he sat, Nikki evinced a disbelief that bordered on irritation. "...unlucky cheek?" He repeated, sounding none-too-sure of Glenn's sanity. Serge looked cutely puzzled, which probably was what saved Nikki's life; Glenn really had been about to leap at his throat for that derisive tone, but, he couldn't stand to ruin any of Serge's innocence with such violence. He had better methods of debauchery in mind... 

"Yes," he answered primly. "My unlucky cheek. I think it may be cursed." 

Nikki snorted. "Right, whatever." A shrewd curiosity entered his dark eyes, and he peered over at the two of them in a manner Glenn could only describe as odd. "How'd you get that scar on it, anyway? The crossed one?" 

Blushing a little, he turned away, mumbling. "N-nothing...just a little accident, that's all..." 

Interest piqued, Serge leaned closer to him, running a finger along what showed of the scar from beneath the bandage. "No way it was an accident, it's like, a perfect x...how could you 'accidentally' get something like that?" 

He scowled at them both. "Like I said, my cheek's unlucky, okay? Let's get going! Weren't we going to visit Radius today?" 

The other two blinked in confusion. "Radius?" Serge repeated. "You know Radius?" 

"Who is he?" Nikki asked, sultry voice slightly pouting at his lack of knowledge on this new subject. 

Glenn grumbled, rubbing at the bridge of his nose as he gathered himself. "I told you, Serge, he lives on an island northeast of Viper Manor and he might be able to help us move against Lynx." 

"You said that?" Serge exclaimed, voice untrusting. 

"Yes!" He half-yelled, startling both of the other boys. "When we first met, and I asked to borrow your boat, I told you we ought to head that way! But nooo, you wanted to go back to Viper Manor and look around since the dragoons weren't there to stop you." 

Serge blushed slightly and pointedly looked away. "Oh." 

Nikki snickered. 

He glared at the pop-star. "What?!" 

Dark eyes danced with mirth. "Oh, nothing. But if you're wondering why he didn't remember...he was too busy staring at you like he'd found his true love when you showed up to hear a word you said. So don't be too mad at him." He tossed a grin Serge's way; the blue-haired boy was toeing the dirt, abashed. 

"Shut up, Nikki, I saw you checking out his ass..." 

"Wh-what?!" He gasped, feeling a little stupid. 

With adorable hesitation and a great, naive shyness, Serge looked up at him through lowered lashes, blue eyes dark with worry. "I really do...like you, Glenn." 

He stared for a moment, mouth half-open. "...you're gay?" 

Nikki began guffawing, while Serge's eyes welled with tears; blue eyes stared into equally blue eyes, and they ignored the muffled thump of a body falling off a boulder and Nikki's loud groan of pain. 

"...I would have thought you'd know that," Serge whispered, biting his lower lip and trying to look away; Glenn grabbed him by his shoulders and pulled him closer, peering into his face as if searching for something. 

A soft overtone of apology crept into Glenn's voice. "I had no idea. I thought you were smitten with that blond girl, Kid..." 

Serge allowed himself a tell-tale sniffle. "...no. I'm gay. And I really like you." He stifled a second, more powerful sniffle and swallowed a sob. "So um. If you want to stop traveling with us, that's okay." 

He stared at the other boy in shock. "What? Why on earth would I want to leave because you're gay?" 

Nikki chuckled from where he now lay, sprawled on the ground and staring up into the afternoon sky. "Well, maybe it was because Karsh ran screaming like a girl when Serge tried to kiss him, and because Leena threatened to kill him when he admitted to her that he wasn't interested, and because Korcha slapped him when he let him know that he wasn't at all attracted to Kid." A wry look crossed his face. "You know. Little things like that." 

Serge sighed, lips trembling. "It isn't fair. I'm stuck in this weird world where no one I know remembers me, and everyone thinks I'm dead, and all I want is someone who I can trust, and who can maybe protect me..." His voice trailed off into nothing, and he hung his head. "I won't blame you if you want to go," he mumbled. 

Smiling with surprise, Glenn shook the other boy by his shoulders to regain his attention. "No, Serge, of course I won't leave! And as for you liking me...I have to admit that I'm relieved! I've had a crush on you since I first saw you in Viper Manor!" 

Grumbling beneath his breath, Nikki hefted himself up into a sitting position, leaning back against the rock from which he'd fallen. "Maybe that's why you left the code on that wall for us to find, you airhead." 

Serge and Glenn were too busy looking deeply into each other's eyes and smiling to notice. They drew closer, and closer still, lips parting, eyes drifting shut... 

Poshul came running past them, barreling right through Glenn and sending him flying. Serge stumbled back and stared after the dog-thing, wondering what was going on; Leena shot by seconds later, screaming "Kiss of death! Kiss of death!" and tearing at her hair. 

Equally confused, Nikki and Serge looked back in the direction that the frightened pair had come from; Glenn picked himself up off of the ground several meters away, wincing as he realized that he'd pulled something in his lower back and, from the feel of it, sprained his ankle. He, too, looked towards the source of Leena and Poshul's inexplicable terror. 

A figure, walking at an amiable, slow pace, wandered towards the trio of young men, tossing her head and sending a ponytail swishing back and forth over her shoulders, a pair of dragon-wings fluttering ever-so slightly as she moved, her arms swinging, a bright smile on her face. Her ears were odd, spiny things, something more fitted to a mermaid's head than a human's, and her teeth appeared to be very sharp and pointy. For all that, she looked to be in shape and was wearing a comfortable, if unusual ensemble of clothes. She stopped short a few meters away from the party of teenagers and stared for a moment at them with big, reptilian yellow eyes. 

She raised her hand in salute. "Hey everybody! I'm Lena, and this is now a self-insert fic! Prepare to be forced to love me!" 

Nikki blanched. Serge felt his blood run cold with fear. Glenn whimpered, ever so slightly, and hoped that his ankle could take a good run. Lena stepped forward. 

"KISS OF DEATH! KISS OF DEATH!" Serge screamed, turning tail and running as fast as his legs could take him. Nikki followed his example and dashed away, both of them whizzing past the somewhat-handicapped Glenn. He started limping after them, but after a few moments of excruciating pain, decided it wasn't worth it. He turned to look back at the girl, who stood in the same spot she had been before, with a benign, extraordinarily cute smile on her face. Clearly, this predator knew that its prey stood no chance of escaping. He groaned. 

"Today is _so_ not my day..." 

~End~


End file.
